Driving In A Winter Wonderland

How about this insane snow storm this past weekend? Of course, if you don't live in the Northeast you have no idea what I'm talking about. But for those who know what I'm talking about, I hope you had a fun filled night in the whiteout. I was in NYC and let me tell you what, when in doubt, take the fucking subway. I didn't want to walk to a subway because I was far from any stop, the sidewalks were filled with snow and I was pretty drunk, so I decided to grab a cab. Not only were the streets terrible, but my favorite cab driver in the world, Butt Mubashir, had no idea how to drive in the snow. You think Delhi, India gets a lot of snow? No. So when his left windshield wiper broke, and I had to inform him that you can defrost your back windshield I knew I was in for the ride of my life. His windshield wiper broke as soon as I got in the cab and the traction on the cab tires clearly are not what they should be. He would just slam on the gas whenever the car started swerving, which obviously made the cab swerve even more. This was really enjoyable. At times we'd be 10 feet away from getting T-boned by other cars or we'd be inches away from tail whipping a bunch of pedestrians.

Getting into accidents in cabs is nothing new to me. I've been in cabs before when they've gotten into accidents and in fact, Spaniard and I were once in a cab together when our cab driver decided to not pay attention and rear end the shit out of the cab in front of us. Good times. Anyway, after traveling 5 blocks in about 15 minutes during this snow storm I was utterly regretting grabbing a cab. To make matters worse, he would either rear end the car in front of us when he stopped or we would get rear ended by the car behind us. It was like bumper cars, but instead of laughing, having fun and rocking an orange soda mustache, I was frightened, texting everyone I knew so if I died they would know by the fact I wasn't responding to their texts anymore. It's weird to think that I legit thought I'd die in the back of a cab driven by a man named Butt. After about 30 minutes I eventually reached my destination, a Christmas party at my buddies apartment which by the time I got there had ran out of ice and any mixers for whiskey. It would've been good to know this before I poured some whiskey in a glass. Let me tell you, whiskey-cranberry is really tough going down, especially at room temperature.

In an unrelated story, Brittany Murphy died. This is sad and pretty crazy being that she was only 32. According to the Daily News she suffered from cardiac arrest while taking a shower, and if that's the case, then wow, I'm not showering anymore. Now, for most people my age she will always be remembered as the chubby, not really that hott, "rolling with the homies" girl from Clueless. Sure she was in other stuff but when I think of Brittany Murphy, I think of Clueless and I guess that creepy movie where she said that infamous line, "I'll never tell." Brittany Murphy did get hott though, really hott actually. So aside from making movies I wouldn't see anyway, I will miss your good looks Brittany Murphy and of course, your voice as the character, Luanne, in the longest running show that I'm pretty sure nobody has ever watched ever, King of the Hill.