Slobs And Celebrities: Part II

This installment of "Slobs and Celebrities" actually involves a slob who is also a celebrity...kinda. Again, these posts are strictly out of the envy I have for these guys. Not because of who they are, or how they look, but because they are banging the hottest girls on the planet. So without any more blabbing, here are the two slobs:

Seal

I now know why Seal goes by one name, because this is his full name "Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel." Seal, as we all know, is married to Heidi Klum. One of the most famous supermodels in the world. Why do I classify Seal as a slob you're probably wondering. Well, there are a few reasons. For starters, what the hell is he famous for? Name a popular Seal song aside from "Kiss From a Rose." You can't. That song was from Batman Forever. That movie was out 15 years ago and is actually ranked one of the worst movies of all time. The band Andrew W.K. has had more hits than Seal in the last 15 years. I'm pretty sure the band members of Andrew W.K. are now homeless in the streets of Tijuana. I mean who knows, maybe Seal is making money by selling his albums to day spas, and to the people who set the music in elevators and hotel lobbies but all I'm saying is he's no rock star. Another reason I'm saying Seal is a slob is because he is ugly. Now, that is kinda messed up of me to say because he actually has those scars on his face because of some weird disease. But you know what, scars or not, he's still a weird looking guy. Whatever though, he clearly has a great personality aka a huge dong, because he is married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. Married with children (4 to exact). Good job Seal.

Jordan Bratman

This bro is one lucky son of a bitch. Yes he's married to Christina Aguilera but he's a complete nobody and is definitely lacking in the good looks department. Jordan looks like the guy at your local movie theater who still thinks Airwalk shoes are cool and wears braces. How did Jordan meet Christina? He was working at her record label. Doing what? Nothing worthwhile, probably brought her production staff their coffees or some shit. Nice work Jordan, that's my dream and probably anyone's dream. Doing nothing of importance (being a slob) and having a smoking hot celebrity all of a sudden want you would be the coolest thing ever. I'm sure Jordan just lounges around all day and eats nachos. I know I would. They have a kid together so Jordan is probably set in the child support category if things get hairy. Good job Jordan, I envy you.