Boner's Last Stand

The other day I posted the horrible news that Richard “Boner” Stabone (aka Andrew Koenig) had been reported missing in Vancouver. Unfortunately, the tragedy that everyone was kind of expecting came to fruition yesterday. Koenig’s body was found by friends in Stanley Park, a park where he apparently liked to go on long walks. (I’d like to take this time to point out that, while this is a terrible tragedy, I’ve always found the best way to deal with the loss of an icon is to try and focus on the good things, the funny things. Humor is the cure for anything that ails you, so I’m not trying to be insensitive, I simply grieving in my own way. So don’t tell me how to grieve.) Let’s back track for a second though; if Koenig was missing in Vancouver, and he liked taking long walks in Stanley Park, wasn’t that the first place the Vancouver Police checked? How did his friends and family, not the po-po, find his body when they were “doing one more sweep of the park?” I know they like to smoke weed up there, but who’s the chief of police, Tommy Chong?

This seems like a retarded oversight to me. It’s possible the friends that found him were co-stars from his brief stint on 21 Jump Street, which would explain their natural ability for police work, but regardless this doesn’t reflect well on Canadian law enforcement. “So he was depressed and loved long walks in Stanley Park, eh? Have we checked the stands at the women’s snowboard half-pipe final? No? Get Deputy Corky Thatcher over there ASAP!” Real top-notch police work by the Canadian Mounties. Police spokeswoman Jana McGuinness said the body “could not be seen from the path.” I mean, who commits suicide off the path? You can’t really blame the Vancouver police for not wanting to get their boots dirty and check the woods. Those Mounties boots aren’t cheap. Police are leaning towards suicide as cause of death, but haven’t ruled out a botched attempt at the Nordic combined. Added McGuinness, “eh?”

Now, I understand that people like to hold out hope for loved ones when they go missing, but we all expected this. Koenig was apparently depressed and had sold off many of his possessions and moved out of his apartment before heading north. Friends and family were clinging on to the small possibility that Boner was simply “laying low” in Vancouver. I mean it made sense; when I want to get away and not be found I usually head to a city that’s hosting the largest international spots event in the world.

And just as his character in the hit show Growing Pains would’ve wanted, Richard Stabone got one last laugh before he took his own life. I would be willing to assume that the two most popular Google searches today will be the phrases “Boner Growing Pains” and “Boner found dead,” both of which put a smile on my face. The look on the face of the compliance/tech guy that can see everything I do on my computer at work will also be priceless. And just a warning; these things tend to happen in threes, so if I were Cody Lambert from Step by Step or Steve Hale from Full House, I would watch out.

So rest in peace Andrew Koenig, and thanks for everything Boner Stabone. You stood erect among the mass of flaccid character actors in late 80’s sitcoms. Boner truly touched everyone.