Little known fact; we here at the Circle are ardent Catholics who uphold the virtues of the religion above all else. Tom and I were well versed in the intricacies of Catholicism through years of CCD and of course The Da Vinci Code. (Quick side-note; I always thought CCD stood for central city dump but it actually stands for Confraternity of Christian Doctrine. Weird I know). But in reality, I’m not very religious at all. I know it’s important to some people and I can appreciate that, but really in today’s day and age religion is kind-of obsolete and almost strange. And I’m not talking about those pesky Islamic fundamentalists or the Tebows; I’m talking about every day people. Think of the weird loner chick from your high school; the one who always wore turtle necks and never plucked her eyebrows. Yeah, she was religious.
Anyway, as I’m sure most Catholics know, today is Ash Wednesday, when people show their faith by having a priest rub ash on their foreheads. Or as I call it, the day I wake up hung-over, see someone with shit on their face; give confused look/make fun of them, only to realize its Ash Wednesday and I’m a bad Catholic. But more importantly, Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, the 40 day period prior to Easter when you’re supposed to give-up something to show your love of God. For some reason, even the most un-religious people always feel the need to participate in Lent, myself included. I rarely go to church, I'm not a nice person and I only pray to God when I want the Giants to win. Yet I still feel like I have to do the whole self-denial thing. A lot of people give up something easy like cookies or something they never have in the first place like curry. I usually try to make up for months of religious apathy by giving up something legitimate but doable like soda, candy or adultery.
But some people really go for the gold, and that’s where the trouble starts. You see, everyone has that friend that decides one year, for no apparent reason, to give up something that’s a big part of their life. This person is not very religious, but like me, wants to do some last second cramming to earn brownie points with the Big Man. Say for example, your buddy gives up booze or weed. You know what happens to this person? They end up derailing; getting hammered, ripping a bong and passing out one night. These attempts to get your life together usually end up crashing down in a tornado of alcohol and drugs. Not only have you done damage to your body, but you’ve failed to stand by your Lenten promise and now God hates you. It’s an unfortunate series of events. And even the people that think they’re succeeding are usually delusional and cutting corners. They always come up with little exceptions to the rule like “well, God won’t mind if I have one” or that you can break your Lenten promise on Sundays. What? No dude, that’s horse shit, that’s probably the one day you should stand by what you gave up. How does that make any sense? Or there’s the dude who is giving up cigarettes, but can smoke cloves or cigars because technically they’re not “cigarettes.” What’s the point bro?
But the mother load of all dumb Lenten promises is the guy who tries to give up beer. Dude, you’re 24 years old and it’s right in the middle of March Madness. How the hell do you think you’re going to avoid beer for 40 days? Beer is the only reason you have friends, get laid and get out of bed in the morning. Good luck with that. Personally I’ve found in the last few years that whatever I’ve tried to give-up usually becomes more present in my life as soon as lent begins. A few years ago I got real aggressive and tried to give-up red meat. That first Sunday I went to a friend’s house for dinner and we had steaks. So basically, I made it 4 days before I totally blew it. And Lent always gives someone the opportunity to use the, “I’m giving up religion for Lent” joke. Yeah dude, I’ve heard that one every year since I was 3, and it wasn’t funny the first time.
I’m not trying to preach religion, nor am I trying to down-play its importance. If you really are religious, good for you. But for all the in-betweeners like me out there, let’s do ourselves a favor and avoid the attempts to give up something significant for Lent. Because in my experience, they only lead to failure. And what does failure lead to? Drugs and alcohol. So why not skip the middleman and save yourself the aggravation? Plus, preachy, pushy religious people are some of the worst alive. They’re probably number 4 or 5 on that list; right in between the people from Children’s International who try to stop you on the street and lepers. So what am I giving up for lent this year? Shaving.
I’m not trying to preach religion, nor am I trying to down-play its importance. If you really are religious, good for you. But for all the in-betweeners like me out there, let’s do ourselves a favor and avoid the attempts to give up something significant for Lent. Because in my experience, they only lead to failure. And what does failure lead to? Drugs and alcohol. So why not skip the middleman and save yourself the aggravation? Plus, preachy, pushy religious people are some of the worst alive. They’re probably number 4 or 5 on that list; right in between the people from Children’s International who try to stop you on the street and lepers. So what am I giving up for lent this year? Shaving.
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