Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Top 5 People You See At A Bar

The Dancer-This guy is easily recognizable. You're at bar with no known dance floor and yet this Michael Jackson wannabe has taken the initiative to make the dance floor 2 feet away from where your standing. It'd be one thing if this guy was joking around but after he crip walks for the 9th time you start noticing that he is all about showing off his ridiculous and retarded moves. You're annoyed at first but then realize you can't help but watch this guy start full-on groping his girlfriend in front of everyone. You think he'll stop but he doesn't, and it becomes almost like an amateur porno right in front of your eyes.

Obnoxious drunk guy-Obviously most bars are filled with obnoxious drunk guys, but this is the dude who stands out amongst them all. He's usually the sweaty, slightly overweight person, covered in liquor and his own piss. He'll bump into you, spill his beer all over you and then feel the need to apologize to you for about 5 minutes. Instead of the classic "my bad dude, I'll buy you a shot" he gets about 3 inches away from your face and starts talking about how much his salary is and why he only drinks Patron. Don't be surprised if the obnoxious drunk guy went to a big time football school and randomly breaks into "O-H...I-O" chants.

Full-suit bro-Yeah, it's not that bad when you see a guy in a full suit around 5 or 6pm on a weeknight but when it's a Saturday, around 2 in the morning you can't only help but think that this dude is purposely rocking a french collared shirt with a pinstripe suit. Even when I see people on Friday nights in suits I wonder if they had the opportunity to go back to their apartments to change out of their work clothes. The thing is, yeah, most of those ass clowns you see in suits did have time to go home and change but felt the need to rock their suits out because I guess they lack confidence to wear regular clothes and of course, they want to get with whatever unstable, coke whore thinks their cufflinks are sexy. Easy Patrick Bateman.

The Loner-You'd think someone who was all by themselves wouldn't cause a problem, but the loner who is either sitting down at a table or in the corner of the bar is apparently grilling the shit out of the girl your with. You haven't noticed a thing but every 30 seconds your girlfriend will hit you and say "look, he's staring at me." You being too drunk to care just point out that the guy has a lip ring and looks like a criminal you saw on "America's Most Wanted." The thing is, you weren't joking.

The Fighter-Now, usually this guy is easy to spot. He'll most likely be at the bar, not smiling and constantly mean mugging the shit out of people. I think he's upset because no one has complimented him on his Ed Hardy shirt. I don't quite understand the people who need to fight at bars, but hey, I'll be front row when they start swinging. Usually the fighter guy will get in a fight with a far inferior person. Instead of fighting someone who is 6'3, 220, he opts to fight the 5'8, 140 pound accountant. Good work my bromigo, you just beat up the head of Lambda Lambda Lambda.


Anonymous said...

Dear Tom and Spaniard (sorry new guy who writes for this site, I don't know your humor fully yet),
My roommate and I (both girls who are seen by many as quite cute) are absolutely infatuated with your witty, intelligent, and always entertaining posts. Behind the blog, we imagine that there must be two of the hunkiest men the tri-state area has to offer. One day we hope to meet men as funny and adorable as you two. Perhaps we will start the female equivalent of Nervous Circle, which will be nowhere near as funny as your blog, unfortunately.
Love and Luck,
your biggest feminine fans

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Tom stop writing getting your mom to write stuff to you you fag

Anonymous said...

Looks like you have a pretty good relationship with your mom Tom

Anonymous said...

1st comment is erin and ali
-comment king