Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Got MILF?


A huge part of every dudes life is girls. Seriously, the majority of the stuff you do in your life is probably because of a girl. It's just natural, every dude wants to be loved and be able to get some lovin' from their female counterparts. For the most part you've been hooking up with girls in that +/-2 years of your age range your whole life. Of course you get that rare hook up with a girl who is 5 years older than you but let's be real, she was ugly. There is one hook up we all want though, our greatest hope as young men, and that's to take down a MILF. You don't know why but ever since you could remember you also had some fascination with older women. Every dude ever has the same fascination. It started when you were in elementary school when you accidentally noticed your third grade teachers bra was showing a little. From that day forward you've always been in love with MILFs.

The thing is, MILFs are now becoming more and more popular within our society and it's causing major problems. So much to the point that the term "cougar" has really lost its meaning. I never used the term cougar, that's basically the politically correct way to call someone a MILF. I honestly think the first time I heard the term MILF was when American Pie dropped that bomb on our society. Since then it's become a part of my dialect and even an interest on my Facebook page. There are entire porn sites devoted to MILFs, it's clearly not just some fad.

Now look, I love MILFs, we all do, but haven't you noticed that now every woman is obsessed with calling themselves cougars? I don't get it, just because your over the age of 40 and have kids doesn't immediately make you some hot commodity. If you're a teacher that might be different because let's be real, we always wanted to bone our teachers for the automatic A in class. Anyway, back to how the word cougar is being overused. A great example is how this summer while crushing Spaniard's beach house, we were having a bonfire and this older woman decided to come chat with us. She was far from attractive but continually talked about how she herself was a cougar. I mean, I used to workout and take supplements (highly accentuate the words used to) but I didn't go around calling myself a meathead.

Here is a perfect example of how cougar is being misused. Demi Moore is a fucking cougar. She is so hott and is married to a younger dude (Ashton Kutcher). Linda Hogan is not a cougar. Although tons of tabloid headlines would tell you differently since she has a boyfriend that's 19 years old. Linda Hogan is a fat older woman who looks like a creature that eats rocks. There needs to be some type of intervention for all the women out there who think they're MILFs but in hindsight are really just some older, uglier women going through a mid-life crisis. As we all get older bros, the time is just slipping away to take down a hot older woman. My suggestion is the next time you see an older lady at the bar, go start a convo with her. Chances are you'll probably get right down to business, because they're old so they have to get to bed early. HAHA, get it? Old people go to bed early! I might become a pool boy this summer, it always works out in pornos for the young guy.

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